In Colorado, a man was accidentally released from prison 90 years too soon. In a related story, everyone in Colorado is high.
—Conan O'Brian
During his trip to the White House yesterday, Uruguay's president said that more Americans should be bilingual. The Joe Biden said, 'Thanks but I'm happily married.'
—Jimmy Fallon
New research suggests that people who are more ambitious will live longer. While people who are less ambitious will live longer with their parents.
—Seth Meyers
Bye for Now,
Bill
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