Wednesday, June 30, 2010

THE TOP TEN REASONS WE ARE SELF-NEGLECTING

WE HAVE NO TIME
WE ALLOW NO TIME
WE ARE TOO STRESSED
WE DON'T VALUE OUR SELF
OTHER PRIORITIES SEEM MORE IMPORTANT
PARTS OF US SEEM UNIMPORTANT TO US
THERE IS ALWAYS TOMORROW, MONDAY,A WEEK FROM SATURDAY, ETC.
PREVENTION DOESN'T PREVENT ANYTHING AND OTHER SUCH BS
WE ALLOW NO TIME
WE HAVE NO TIME

Start right now to do something positive on your behalf. Silly as it might sound, you might just like it/benefit from it/repeat it tomorrow or the next day. What do you have to lose?

Bye For Now,

Bill

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

SCORE AN OUNCE FOR YOUR SELF

We all know that, "An ounce of prevention is worth...." Yes, I am sure you finished the quote easily.

Yet, most of us can't even go for the ounce. Do you? If yes, feel proud. If not, ask your Self why not? See what you come up with in trying to answer that question. More importantly, try to override your "ounce" avoidance, push past your resistance and go GIRL or BOY, MAN or WOMAN. If not now, when? If not you, who?

Tomorrow I will share my thoughts regarding our self-negligence. I wonder if we can sue ourselves if we are negligent with our SELVES? Could be a class action suit-- a very large class at that!

Bye For Now,

Bill

Monday, June 28, 2010

WHY IS IT I WONDER

THAT WE SEEM SO OBLIVIOUS TO THE VALUE OF PREVENTION?

Or is it that we believe in it, but don't take the time to practice it. But most of it takes very little time.

The funny thing is we can devote time to all kinds of causes,but not necessarily those that are self-directed. We aren't typically lazy, but we can be when it comes to ourselves.

We seem to know the right things to do for our good and welfare, but opt not to, serially. A very small percentage are disciplined and the rest of us pop in and out in yo-yo fashion.

I'd be interested in your thoughts so all of you million plus loyal blog readers hit me with your best response. That said, I will stay with this topic tomorrow. The big question is how can I get more people to invest 20-30 seconds a day to read this blog? For now, I'm just going to floss my teeth.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Friday, June 25, 2010

THERE ARE NO RIGHT PROPORTIONS AS LONG YOU AS YOU INCLUDE IT ALL

Per Yesterday's blog:

40 something 60something

Family 40% 20%

School/Work 25% 20%

Domestic/Partner 10% 15%

Relaxation/Fun 10% 15%

Exercise/Health 7% 20%

Social 7% 4%

Civic 1% 6%

These are, at best approximations. They do not take into account all of the special circumstances and individual differences that might exist. In the final analysis it is not my numbers that matter. It is that you try to divide your time in ways that counterbalance the stresses and strains of your life.

Try to be a well rounded person and not limit yourself to robot-like ways. Take it from one who knows. I am proud to say, I'm not a robot...anymore.

Bye For Now,

Bill

P.S. The robot would now go on to write Monday's blog. The person shall take a break and read a novel. Yes!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

HOW TO BETTER DIVIDE YOUR PIE WHICH IS BETTER THAN EATING IT!

Yesterday and the day before I referenced my "millions of readers". Truth be known I appreciate whomever reads my blog.If you do I hope you appreciate you. Next week I will write about our tendency to not be too into preventive anything.

In a sense, balance is the opposite of being a robot.The former divides our time among a wide variety of activities, while the latter stays pretty stuck in a rut of performance and productivity.

Here are the elements that go into dividing our time:

Family Responsibilities
School/Work Responsibilities
Domestic/Partnership Responsibilities
Relaxation/Fun Activities
Exercise and Health Involvements
Social Engagements
Civic Contributions.

Notice I didn't include sex because clearly there is no time for that. Just kidding. It goes under relaxation/fun activities.

However, I bet if we went door to door we would find that the first two take up the bulk of the pie chart of time and the rest are left to random, chance opportunities.It would be interesting if you gave some thought to what your ideal balance would be, put some numbers to it and strive to stay in the zone you create.

Tomorrow I will tell you my opinion on a healthy and realistic blend for people in their forties and in their sixties. I believe the proportions change over time.

Most important is that all need to be included in whatever proportion you feel works for you.

Bye For Now,
Bill

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

WHY WE BECOME ROBOTS

Yesterdays blog talked about me cutting myself some slack. Probably many of you could follow in my footsteps. Those who already do cut themselves some slack probably don't read my blog.

I believe that most people are creatures of habit. I also believe becoming routinized and tied to our "to do" lists is a form of taking control. It is illusory, but it sure keeps homes clean, work done and us robots task focused.

In many ways being a robot,aside from its productive benefits, distracts us from all the speed bumps of life. Hard to dwell on the state of the world when you are focused on the state of your closet or garage or whatever.

Critical is that we balance our work and play a little better, especially if you can identify with being a robot.

More on this tomorrow. That is if I choose to write another blog!! Just kidding. I wouldn't want to disappoint my millions of readers.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

NOT A ROBOT....ANYMORE!

There was no blog yesterday. I chose to take Father's Day Weekend off. The title of a soon to be released article, "Taking Better Care Of You: Part II I'm Not A Robot ... Anymore," explains it all.

Being a robot caused me to focus solely or at least primarily on task accomplishment, to do lists and being productive. Not being one frees me from enslavement. I can now goof off,watch a ballgame,go to a movie,read a novel etc. without feeling,"I should be doing something more meaningful." I still work hard, but a little less hard.

In the past the robot would have said, You promise one every business day and the millions of people who count on your blog will be disappointed!" As you can see the robot can be a little delusional too. The man can reply by saying, "It is OK to take a day off once in a while, especially on a special day. And I did. That is the best part of the story.

Bye For Now,

Bill(formerly known as a Robot)

Friday, June 18, 2010

INTERESTING BUT INACCURATE COMMENT

Contrary to my Tuesday blog someone wrote

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. I don't agree!!
The more fun a mistake is the more of a mistake it is. By
definition a mistake is, well a mistake. Once is too many times.
More is compounding the problem. Fun does not justify impropriety.

Most people who have made a mistake will tell you straight out.
Once was once too many. Don't believe me? Just ask...... You know
the list!

Bye for Now,

Bill

Thursday, June 17, 2010

GOTTA COUNT IT ALL!

We have been talking about perfection and imperfection. There is an article worth reading on my website (williampenzer.com). It is called, "A Self-Administered Self- Confidence...." something or other. Check it out.

It argues that we need to look at ourselves objectively and count all of the positives we bring to the table of life. It suggests we check our personal accounting programs and make sure they are fair and reasonable so that we don't shortchange ourselves. It encourages an honest, but objective evaluation of self, instead of the more prevalent,but subjective ones programmed by our history.

I hope you enjoy the article and I hope you follow it. If not, call me or someone like me. We will help you to get there.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

IMPERFECTION IS THE NORM!

The last two blogs were about the title. A while back I wrote generally about multimillion dollar athletes who sometimes do well and sometimes do poorly. I suggested if they can so can we.

I saw it in action last week in the NBA finals. A week ago Sunday a Boston Celtic broke three records for three point shots. He couldn't miss. It was as if his ball had a magnet that found the metal rim--swish! That same player could not make a single basket--even a lay up--two nights later. He went 0 for 13 tries. The "magnet" must have fallen off!

The point is sometimes we score and sometimes we don't. It doesn't make us a bad, inferior,inadequate player on the ball field of life. IT MAKES US A PERSON.

Hope you get that! If not, please keep working on it, because it is undeniably true.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

ON REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND OPTIMISM

Yesterday's post, simple as it was, was huge in meaning.

Some part failure and some part achievement. The Dalai Lama was speaking to realistic expectations of ourselves, our relationships and our lives.

We tend to be perfectionistic seekers, expecting all to go well all the time. NOT! Years ago in a book called, "Getting Back Up From an Emotional Down, I wrote about "the myth of perfect goodness." Haven't read the book? Call me and I will send a complimentary copy to you.

Realistic optimism says, hopefully some of the time things go well and as planned, but some of the time "life and you know what else happens".

We need to learn from our mistakes, not beat ourselves up for them. After all, we are only human. So true and so often forgotten in our quest for "perfect goodness".

As a very successful man once said, "Bill I have made many mistakes in my life-- but I have only made them once." Hopefully, you can say that too.

Bye for Now,

Bill

Monday, June 14, 2010

WHEN ASKED

the Dalai Lama answered.

DO YOU BELIEVE YOUR TIME HERE ON EARTH HAS BEEN A SUCCESS?

"Hmmm. That's relative. It's so difficult to say. All human life is some part failure and some part achievement." ( Time, 6/14/10)

What more can I say? Keep going for achievement. Strive to leave your failures behind.

Bye for Now,

Bill

Friday, June 11, 2010

THE FREQUENCY OF INTIMACY

There is one more thing I would like to say about sex and relationships. I feel and fear that the world has become so complex and demanding that younger people do not have time to enjoy their passions to the fullest. I think it gets relegated to much less frequency than is healthy or desirable. By younger I mean those in their late 30's and early 40's. The teens are doing just fine in this regard. Too fine, if you ask me!

Think about it. Sex is pleasure. It is loving. It is stress reducing and it is free. It burns calories. It churns positive feelings. It feels good. It contributes to the beautiful flowers that grow in your garden of love. It is not everything, but it is something important.

What other activity has so many benefits and so few costs? What other activity is so talked about,joked about and often is not that frequently enjoyed. Obviously, there is no "right" number. But, hopefully, if you are in a relationship your response to "when was the last time you were intimate?" is not months/years ago. If it is there is likely a problem or many that need to be addressed. Don't ignore the symptoms. Use them to enter relationship rehab.

Serious problems in relationships usually don't go away on their own. In fact, they multiply and get worse.

The keys to a healthy relationship lie in open, adult to adult communications,making partnerly decisions together, fun and laughter together,enjoyable family times and love-making. Be sure to include them all in reasonable balance.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Thursday, June 10, 2010

SEX AND PARTNERSHIP

I have come to find it hard (that's not a good way to start this blog on sex!) to blog about sexual matters. So many individual/couple differences. So much variability. Too many possibilities. So many unknowns.

Sex is one of many expressions of love. Sometimes it has nothing at all to do with that. My hope for your relationship is that it works for both of you and that you can enjoy all of its positive benefits together. As well, my hope is that it is a way to exchange and communicate love, tenderness and caring in a mutually satisfying way. The more you make love, the less you make war. Of that I am convinced!

If not, there are helpful,certified sex therapists who can help to get to a better place.

As I see it sexual interaction is a most democratic experience. Whatever you enjoy, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone,is fine. It is not the center piece of a relationship, but it is a special piece. Oops, I may have done it again!

Bad( I mean Bye) For Now,

Bill

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

PAINT THOSE WALLS WITH A RED HEART OF LOVE!

Except in extreme relationship situations of abuse, abandonment,serial infidelity, addiction and the like,many who have divorced say they wish they stayed with their first marriage.

Most of the time relationship rehab is better than divorce--especially if young children are involved. Even in today's tweet, facebook, eHarmony,texting world there is still something sacrosanct and special about a family. Or maybe I'm just an old fashioned guy? But, frankly I don't think so. The horse and carriage may have gone out of style, but love and marriage have not.

Years ago, in the Marriage and Divorce Series Parts I-IV (that appears on williampenzer.com) I wrote that oftentimes divorce is like tearing down the walls when all they needed was a paint job.

I hope you will work on painting those walls a bright color, rather than tearing them down needlessly. Paint like your life depending on it simply because, in fact, it does!

Bye For Now,

Bill

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

NOT A LAUGHING MATTER!

Many writers and marriage therapists use sex as a barometer of a relationship.It is one measure, but not always accurate. I have met many couples who have a wonderful sexual relationship, but not much of a partnership. I have met others who's intimacy is almost non-existent, but have wonderful, caring, partnerships of love and fulfillment.

Sex is a wide ranging and idiosyncratic experience for couples. Like finger prints, no two are quite alike.

I believe a much better barometer of the relationship is the couple's collective laughter. The more the joking, the less the yoking. Life generally these days is much too serious. If you can't laugh it up with your life partner and see the silliness in so much of your day to day struggles, then with whom can you laugh?

If you and your partner are not laughing much then there might be something wrong. Get some help sooner than later. Relationship problems need relationship rehab. That is not a laughing matter.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Monday, June 7, 2010

THE EVER CHANGING FACES OF LOVE

I know I promised to talk about sex this week,but I need to share something before we get to that.

Love is ever changing.It is hardly ever what it was,but doesn't have to be what it isn't meant to be. It needn't be harsh or just chronic bickering. It should not be critical parent to bad boy/girl. It is not supposed to be two people living under one roof doing their own things. It is a partnership "till death...".

Some things about love remain constant. It is sharing through good and not so good times. It is caring about how the other feels and what the other needs and viceversa. It is reciprocal,mutual,equitable. It is nice and easy as Frankie is singing as I type. It is real and it is respectful.It sits atop realistic expectations. It accepts each others idiosyn"crazies". It takes account of and appreciates all the years of time, energy and emotion invested. It counts it all!

As time goes on it is not usually the wild, passionate early on fun and carefree times of old. Life, kids,age and stresses take their toll on love in that way just as it does on our bodies and minds. But it can still be filled with laughter and fun, looking forward to special times together and words only understood by you both.

Trite as it sounds love can mellow, soften and open up like special wine from a good year. The year you wed qualifies! Cherish it, celebrate it and do the same for and with each other.


Bye For Now,

Bill

Friday, June 4, 2010

AN UNDENIABLE TRUTH!

No matter your politics or beliefs in global warming for that matter, it was sad to learn that the Gores were splitting after 40 years of marriage.

That is a really long time for a couple to be together and then decide to divorce. It makes me wonder what happened and whether these intelligent people previously sought relationship assistance. If so, what could have been so terribly wrong to cause a break up of their long standing partnership.

Though affairs were quickly denied, time will tell.

To me it just reinforces the idea that whether you are a high,low or no profile couple and no matter how long you are together relationships need rehab.

I will go so far as to say that all couples could benefit from a few counseling visits every few years or reading the same relationship guide or attending a workshop together to identify where weeds have replaced flowers, so they can be pulled.

Next week we will look at the complicated subject of relationships and sex. Have a "make love not war" weekend.

Bye For Now,

Bill

Thursday, June 3, 2010

DON'T BECOME A STATISTIC-BECOME LOVERS AGAIN

In a new and upbeat marital guide,For Better, Tara Parker-Pope devotes a chapter to debunking the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. She believes marital stats are improving each decade. About 23% of college grads who married in the 70's split within ten years. For those who wed in the 90's that stat drops to 16%.

But a Penn State Sociologist, Paul Amato, reports after a thorough review of divorce stats that the 50% figure appears to be accurate.

A consistent finding is that less-educated,lower income couples divorce more often than college grads.

All statistics aside at Relationship Rehab we feel that divorce is destructive to all parties concerned and that couples, especially those with young children, have a responsibility to put their energies into resolving problems,improving communications,reestablishing commitments and rebuilding their garden of love.

We have had enough positive experiences to believe that much more than 50% of couples in the "sunkenship" category(see yesterdays blog) can fill the holes in their garden and become whole again- thereby avoiding the divorce debacle!

Bye For Now,

Bill

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

THE STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP

FRIENDSHIP
C0URTSHIP
RELATIONSHIP
LOVESHIP
MARITALSHIP
PARTNERSHIP
PARENTSHIP

SUNKENSHIP

RELATIONSHIP REHAB (ASAP 954 647 8191)
RELATIONSHIP RENEWAL
LOVESHIP/FRIENDSHIP/PARTNERSHIP
OR
DIVORCE

OBVIOUSLY,IT IS BEST TO GET TO RELATIONSHIP REHAB B4 YOUR LOVE BOAT SINKS!!!

Bye for Now,

Bill

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

FUNNY GUY

Last week I spoke about relationships and what often happens to the garden of love over time.

One of my favorite cartoons is The Lockhorns. The marriage doctor asks, "What started the fight?" The indignant husband leans forward with a scowl and answers, "Marriage!"

Told you it was an unnatural act. On the other hand I have been married for 46 years and am quite happy as is my wife, all things considered. Perhaps unnatural acts require superhuman(e) strengths. Start building those emotional muscles today. And for goodness sake, weed those gardens together.Start right now. Text, email or call your life partner with some loving words and follow them up with loving actions.



Bye for Now,

Bill