Tuesday, January 26, 2010

HOOKED ON HAPPY: PART II

The following was chosen by one of our faithful readers as their favorite and is being repeated. New blogs will start up February 1, 2010.
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Might want to go back and read Friday and Monday blog as this is a series on positivism and happiness.

I believe many of us received a distorted view of happiness as part of our growing up. Holding aside those rasied with neglect and abuse, the majority were made to feel as if their wishes were their parent's commands. Not always, but often enough in most cases, family's try to give to their children and make them happy. This is especially true of the infant and toddler. Thus, for many of us our intro to life was filled with our narcissism being indulged by those around us. It gives the impression that happiness and pleasure are our birthright and that it comes automatically. Nothing could be further from the truth.

At some point along the way reality rules and breaks the magic of our happiness. Parent's divorce, die, lose their jobs, become addicts,etc. Siblings die, taunt us, take our stuff, get pregnant, run away, become addicts, etc. We fail a test, have to do homework, get in trouble,strike out on the ball field or other places, become addicts, get pregnant,get nervous,etc. The happy, fun loving kid gets wounded in so many ways on the battlefield of life. Recess is over and life gets more serious,complicated and demanding as we get older.

This is why feeling positive and happy can be an uphill struggle all the way. The cessful moments of our past have a way of lingering toxicly across the years like raw sewerage. However, we can push past them and rise above them. We can learn from them and let go of them. This is what therapy helps do so well most of the time. As I wrote a week or so ago, therapy comes in many forms.

Your first goal is to find a position between negative and narcissim. Let's call it neutral.This space enjoys the pleasures or comforts of the moment, enjoys thinking of past times that were good and anticipates more of the same in the future. This space does not klnow what lies ahead,but assumes things will work out OK. In this position you literally lift yourself out of negative and try to learn to go with the flow. When the hole of negativity reaches out for you, you step aside and change the channel. A typical self-statement in this position is, "I don't know how the ..speech..dinner party..dentist apopointment...plane ride..whatever.. will go, but I assume it will/I will.be OK. Admittedly not easy, but doable.

Tomorrow we will talk about going from neutral to positive.

Bye For Now,

Bill
http://www.williampenzerphd.com/

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